The Places We Find Ourselves
by lizzybennettdarcy
Summary: Obviously world domination wasn't Slade's goal but she knew that he might just be cunning enough to achieve it. She had known that he would succeed in forcing two women to their knees in front of Oliver. She had just assumed that the whole team would be there to fight beside him. Nothing that had happened in her 27 short years had prepared her to be one of those two women.
1. No regrets

**So this story is a little different. At the same time in some ways it's very similar to a few of my other fics. The reason for this is because I wrote it first. I wrote it right after Felicity took that bullet for Sara. And I've used bits and pieces of it in my other fics because I wasn't sure that I wanted to post it.**

**But I've decided to put it out there. It might not be as popular as my other fics...because it takes a turn that many won't believe possible. Keep in mind that I wrote this before Slade really came back. Maybe I'm idealistic, but Slade Wilson was a great character. I won't say anything else. I hope you enjoy.**

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Felicity Smoak was smart. She had always been smart. Maybe not Stephen Hawking smart but pretty damn close. So she'd be lying to herself if she said she hadn't seen this outcome coming from the get-go. She'd known that this would be the culmination of Slade Wilson's quest for revenge since the moment Oliver had opened up about the fateful day that had destroyed his friend, his brother and in a lot of ways, himself. She'd known that in the end there would be two women in front of Oliver and that he would have to choose. It was the cruelest of ironies and she knew that Slade had planned it this way from the moment he'd decided to avenge Shado and man he'd been before her death. She had done her very best to prepare for this eventuality, planting bugs on all of the people, women, Oliver cared about. She'd spent months in the deepest, darkest parts of the web tracking Slade's movements. She had been prepared.

Felicity Smoak was smart. But as she knelt on bruised knees and gazed calmly around at her surroundings, she realised that perhaps she was a fool as well. Because she'd known it would end this way. She'd known that two women would kneel in front of Oliver Queen and only one would survive his agonizing decision. She just hadn't known that she would be one of the women with a gun trained on the back of her head.

Nothing that had happened over the course of her twenty-seven _short _years had prepared her for this moment. Because she was Felicity Smoak, nerd extraordinaire, genius hacker and she'd always been invisible. She'd been invisible throughout high school and college. She was invisible to her coworkers and she'd thought, truly _believed _that she was invisible to Slade Wilson. He had threatened to ruin Oliver's life and she had known that he would force him to sentence a woman he loved to death.

Felicity had taken that to mean Sara and Laurel, or perhaps more cruelly, a Lance sister and his mother or sister.

She hadn't expected to be kneeling in front of a madman with a gun. Because she was Felicity Smoak and she was invisible. Oliver Queen had only reinforced that knowledge at every turn. She had watched him date and forgive her language, _fuck, _more than his share of psychos, social climbers and _sisters _since he'd walked into her little IT cubicle spouting lame excuses and crushing her resistance with his charm.

So logically, she'd expected to be sitting in the lair, earpiece in, guiding Team Arrow to save whatever mixture of Lances and Queens that Slade picked. She had anticipated nervous fluttering and babbling and outright terror as she listened to her friends fighting for the lives of Slade's captives.

She had never underestimated Slade Wilson. She had known that he would eventually get his chance at revenge. They all led double lives and eventually he would strike. They had too many things to do and too many people to watch over. But she had believed without hesitation that they would be able to handle it.

She was a big fan of superhero movies. What had Tony Stark said? "We may not be able to save the Earth, but you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it."

Obviously world domination wasn't Slade's target but she knew that he might just be smart, evil and cunning enough for it. She knew that he'd succeed in forcing two women to their knees in front of Oliver. But she'd been sure that Dig, Roy, Lance and herself would be there to fight him.

But she'd been wrong. Because here she was. Snatched away by Slade Wilson, bare inches from the back door to the lair. A scream had escaped her lips but Slade Wilson had spent years mastering his Mirakura-enhanced body and they'd been several blocks away before her Team could have reacted. If they'd even heard her.

So here she knelt. Someone was forced to their knees beside her. Her eyes twitched towards the woman on her left but she couldn't bear to look. She didn't want to know whose life she would die to save. She didn't bother to explain to Slade that he'd chosen the wrong woman. The terror that had nearly immobilized her during her capture had disappeared. Slade's hand had unknowingly pressed upon the healed scar on her shoulder and all of her fear had diminished. Her eyes had closed as she remembered how she had felt after she'd saved a life. She'd been a part of successful operations over the past two years but she hadn't actually been the one to _save _a life until that night.

So she knelt on the floor and faced the window that she knew Oliver would come through. She didn't need to know who was beside her. She didn't need to know who would walk away from this incident. She only needed to know that she wouldn't.

"You haven't babbled at all since you got here, Blondie." Slade mocked from behind her.

She raised her chin and continued to glare forwards.

He chuckled and she felt his fingers tangling in the long hair that he'd pulled from her usual ponytail. She recalled the way that the Count had touched her hair but remained still. She had known that Oliver would save her that night. She only wished that he could do the same tonight. Because Slade was wrong to think Oliver would ever choose. But she knew that her death would weigh on him for the rest of his life. And despite the fact that Slade wouldn't leave this building alive, she knew that he would win. Because Oliver would always feel like her blood was on his hands.

She realised her eyes had been closed when the sound of breaking glass caused them to open. She watched as Oliver slid into the room on his knees. He had to have known just who he would be faced with when he entered the building. The look on his face as he lowered the hood however, showed that he hadn't been prepared for the sight in front of him.

"Oliver, Oliver, Oliver. Nice entrance, brother." Slade called out in amusement.

Oliver made no move to stand. His eyes were on the woman next to her and she could see the pain flickering through his eyes. She ground her teeth together and raised her chin once more. His eyes remained on her neighbour, although it was clear that it was difficult for him to do so.

"That's very impolite Mr. Queen." Slade chided. "Poor Ms. Smoak's feelings will be hurt."

She watched as Oliver's eyes snapped shut and a shudder ran through his body. His hands were fisted in his lap and she blinked back tears. She wouldn't allow Slade the pleasure of breaking the man in front of her slowly.

"That's enough, Slade." She snarled.

Slade chuckled behind her but it was drowned out by the sob that escaped Oliver's mouth. His shoulders were slumped forward and as he slowly raised his eyes to meet hers, a tremor ran through her. Defeat was clear in his eyes and a rush of anger raised within her, erupting without control.

"No!" She shrieked. "You do not get to give up Oliver Jonas Queen! Stand up and face this like the hero you are. Stand up and survive."

Oliver made no movement and furious tears escaped her eyes.

"Get. To. Your. Fucking. Feet." She railed.

He glared at her as he slowly stood.

"My, my." Slade whispered from behind her. "Quite a temper you've got there Ms. Smoak."

Felicity closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was it. This was the moment. She didn't want to die. But the muffled sobs from the woman beside her told the same story.

"It's my choice." She whispered.

"What was that, my dear?" Slade asked in a tone that indicated great shock.

Her jaw clenched as more tears escaped and she opened her eyes. Oliver was twenty feet in front of her but she could clearly read the guilt that was written across his face.

"It's my choice." Felicity growled out.

"No!" Oliver roared in anguish.

There was silence as everyone stared at Felicity. She stared at Oliver and allowed him to see every single thing she'd ever felt for him. Tears swam in her eyes before she gave him a weak smile. Tears ran down Oliver's face. She turned away from him and shuffled until she was facing Slade Wilson.

"Is this the part where you appeal to my better nature?" Slade asked sarcastically.

She stared at him for a few moments before shrugging sadly. "I don't know that you have a better nature. I think that your better nature died the day you took Mirakuru and Shado died. I think it was always going to end like this.

"You're so intent on murdering innocents on your path to vengeance." She accused the man in front of her, staring down the barrel of the gun that was pointed at her forehead. "You won't rest until you've destroyed him and all of us are collateral damage." She glared fiercely and Slade seemed taken aback. "I accept that I'm going to die." She paused as Oliver let out an agonized moan. "But I want it to be on _my _terms. I choose to die for the woman next to me. _I _choose. Not Oliver, not you, not her. I won't be a victim in this game. I will not allow him to choose. This is my choice."

"No! Please, please don't do this! Please." Oliver begged from behind her. "_Please. _Kill me instead."

"Shut up, Oliver. Let me be the hero for once." She closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the gun.

"Don't you even want to know who is kneeling beside you?" Slade wondered in awe. It had not escaped his notice that she refused to look at the woman next to her.

Felicity shook her head and leaned more firmly against the gun. "It doesn't matter. This is my choice."

As she waited she thought about all of the choices that lead her to this moment. She thought about Dig and Roy and Sara. She thought about Oliver and every moment that they'd shared. Invisible or not, she'd loved him from the moment he'd walked into her cubicle and smiled despite himself. She'd babbled about his dead father and he'd given her a _real _smile. He'd laid himself bare at her feet the first time they'd met. He had never hidden from her.

"I regret nothing." She announced.

No tears escaped as she waited for the shot that would end her life. She focused on the good times, the memories that were worth dying for. She ignored the man pleading for her life behind her. She pretended that there wasn't another woman on the floor beside her.

"I forgive you." She whispered just loud enough that everyone heard it. She wasn't even sure who she was talking to as she said it. All of them perhaps. To the woman beside her to appease the survivor's guilt. To Oliver. And to Slade.

"What?" The muzzle of the gun left her head and her eyes popped open. Slade had backed away several steps and was staring at her in horror.

"I forgive you. You loved her and losing her destroyed your whole world." She explained quietly.

"I'm about to kill you. I'm going to kill you and you _forgive _me?" He bellowed. His gun was still trained on her but his eyes were wild.

"_Please._"

She ignored Oliver's pleas and continued to gaze up at the heartbroken wreck of a human in front of her.

"You're going to pull that trigger and I'm going to die. But so are you. You know that he didn't come alone. The second you pull that trigger so will Dig."

She knew without looking that Diggle was several feet behind Slade. She also knew that he'd have to empty a full clip to do to Slade what a single bullet will do to her.

"So I forgive you. Because you are going to die after having killed an innocent woman. And I think that everyone deserves forgiveness before they die. You certainly won't get it from my friends. They'd damn you to the deepest pit of hell if they could. But I forgive you." She cleared her throat. "It's time, Slade."

"You go so willingly to your death?" He asked, his voice strained and broken.

Tears pooled once more. "I don't want to die. I love my life. I love working at QC by day and catching bad guys by night. I love Doctor Who and mint chocolate chip ice cream and good red wine. I love having a brother who'd do anything for me in John and I like having girl's nights with Sara. I adore Roy and I could never have guessed that he'd become my best friend. Quentin Lance is like the father I've never had. And I have never loved anyone the way that I love Oliver Queen." She trailed off as anguished sounds surrounded her. "I hate that I'm going to die and that they all have to watch it happen. But I'd die for every single one of them. So, yes. I go willingly to my death, Slade Wilson. Because my whole life has lead up to this moment and I wouldn't change a single thing."

Oliver was shouting incoherently behind her. He was struggling against someone, fighting to get to her.

"Please." She begged Slade. "I've given all of my speeches and I've said my goodbyes. Prolonging this isn't fair."

He stared down at her and all of his certainty seemed to have vanished. He hadn't looked away from her once since she'd turned to face him, not even to taunt Oliver.

"Your kindness is wasted on him. Just like hers was." He insisted.

"I don't believe that. Everyone deserves kindness. _Everyone._" She shook her head. "No regrets."

His eyes were shiny and the gun in his hand shook. "That's what she would have said."

Felicity's knees burned but she refused to wilt.

"I love you too. So much." Oliver choked out from his place across the room. His voice was broken and full of regret. "I always have. I didn't tell you. I thought I could protect you and now we're here anyways. I love you too, Felicity."

Her heart thundered and a smile curled her lips upwards. "I'm ready now, Slade."

"That sounded an awful lot like his choice to me, Miss Smoak." Slade replied.

She realised that he didn't want to kill her. "We've already been over this. It's my life and it's my choice. I choose to save her."

Slade glared at her. "But he loves you."

Felicity grinned up at him through her tears. "I'll die happy knowing it."

She heard Oliver drop to his knees behind her. "_No!_"

"You don't have to die." Slade argued angrily.

"I refuse to put my life above another's. I am not worth more than she is."

He growled and pressed the gun between her eyes. She could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves. "I don't _want_ to kill _you._"

She remained silent.

"You're like her. So much like her. She would've stubbornly waited for her own death as well." He was talking about Shado. "She stupidly believed everyone could be redeemed as well. Too much alike."

"I hope she's waiting for you. I don't claim to know what's waiting for us. But I'd like to believe that she's hanging out somewhere, waiting for you." Felicity breathed out.

He laughed harshly. "If there's a heaven, that's where she is. I'm headed downstairs, Blondie. I know that much."

Felicity ignored the pain from her bound arms as she shakily got to her feet. Slade took a step back. "I don't believe that. I'm not going to pretend that you haven't done horrible things. Hello? I'm standing here waiting for you to kill me." She took a step closer to him and winced as the gun hit her chest. "But you love her too much to be fully past redemption. I also don't put a lot of stock in hell. I think that after the life you've lived, after purgatory, you deserve something better. I choose to believe that there's some relief waiting for you. I believe that even though you're going to kill me. So, if there's a God out there, I think he'll take that into consideration."

Slade stared into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity. She watched as rage became sorrow to be quickly replaced by grief. His free hand gripped her elbow and everything else faded into the background. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and they stood there for what might have been mere moments or days. She watched in awe as the man that Oliver had once known appeared before her. He released her and took a step back.

"I'm ready now." He told her quietly.

"I forgive you." She assured him quietly.

She heard Oliver roar as he broke free and rushed towards them but her eyes never left Slade's. Tears rushed down her cheeks as Slade Wilson pressed the barrel of the gun beneath his chin.

"I'm ready now." He repeated and he pulled the trigger.

Strong arms were wrapped around her and pulling her backwards as she watched Slade Wilson's body drop. She stared at the pool of blood that followed her retreat. Slade's uncovered eye stared blankly after her, still showing the hope that had filled him before he'd taken his own life instead of hers.

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**So do me a favour and suspend your disbelief for just a moment. **

**I choose to believe that Slade isn't past redemption (even though I'm sure that's not how things will play out on the show) and I think that if anyone could bring out the old Slade it would be Felicity Smoak. She's the light to Oliver's darkness and I feel like if given the chance, Slade would recognize that. I also don't think she would willingly allow Oliver to make that choice. **

**Obviously I've written several variations of this scenario and I accept that this one probably won't be anyone's favourite.**

**This one in particular interests me a ton. So if there's any interest I'd consider adding to it.**

**Anyways, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.**


	2. So stupid

**I was originally thinking about making this a full-length story, but it seems my attention span is short these days...which would explain why I have** **_several _Olicity fics going at the moment. So I decided to add an epilogue-type chapter instead. I hope you enjoy it.**

**I own nothing.**

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The silence was almost deafening as she stared down at Slade Wilson's body. His blood followed her as she was pulled backwards. She gasped against the pain the movement caused her bound arms. Her sound of distress was the breaking of the dam and then everyone was in motion.

Her eyes finally left the dead man as Diggle jogged into view, Detective Lance on his heels.

"Shhhh, you're okay. You're okay." Felicity's head snapped to the sound of Roy's soothing voice. Her eyes widened and filled with tears when she saw Thea Queen sobbing in his arms. Roy's eyes were full of respect and gratitude as he met her gaze.

Slade had given Oliver the impossible choice. His inability to meet her eyes as he arrived made sense now in a way that caused her to physically ache. She shuddered. The arms that had pulled her away from Slade dropped to free her from the zip-ties that were digging into her wrists. Pins and needles shot up through her arms but she struggled to care as she was spun around and surrounded by Oliver Queen. Her nose nudged the crook of his neck and she sighed. Oliver's lips pressed against her temple as his fingers tangled in her blond curls.

"I love you." He whispered. "I love you."

A smile stretched her lips as he began to repeat himself against her hair tirelessly. She raised a hand and brushed it along the stubble that covered his jaw.

"I love you too."

"I'm so mad at you." His voice shook and her head pulled back enough to meet his gaze.

"I know." Her lips twitched to the side. "You can tell me all about it later. But right now Thea needs her big brother."

She tilted her head to the side as his grey eyes brightened with something she couldn't quite name. She stepped out of his arms and placed her hand on his shoulder. He pressed his lips against her forehead and then turned towards Thea. She watched as he dropped to his knees beside his sister and pulled her into his arms.

"I'm not happy with you either, for the record." Dig intoned behind her and she grinned widely as she turned to face him.

He pulled her against his chest and she hugged him back fiercely. "How was I ever going to handle his broody ass without you, Smoak?" He joked. His tone was light but she heard the anger beneath it.

"I won't apologize, Dig. I can't."

He blew out a breath and shook his head. "Yeah, I know."

"I _am_ sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry you had to stand there and wait for me to die." She punched his shoulder lightly. "I'll buy Big Belly Burger to make it up to you."

Dig snorted in amusement. A throat cleared and they both looked up to find Detective Lance standing around rather awkwardly.

"Hello, Detective." Felicity greeted him brightly.

He shook his head in bemusement. "I'd mention that I'm not pleased with you either but I doubt it would do much good."

Felicity chuckled and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her tightly for a moment before stepping back, clearing his throat.

"So, Oliver Queen is the vigilante." He pointed out conversationally.

Felicity raised an eyebrow. "You're going to pretend that you didn't see this one coming?"

Quentin chuckled. "Nah, I've been about 90% sure for almost a year now."

"Well you're a Detective for a reason." She reminded him.

He shook his head and didn't bother pointing out that he _wasn't _actually a detective anymore. He cleared his throat again and his eyes looked a little misty as he stared down at her fondly.

"About what you said, the thing is that I'm pretty fond of you, Kiddo. It's funny because a year ago I was hauling you into the precinct with every intention of arresting you. And now I find myself lying awake at night worrying about you." He paused, awkwardly scrubbing a hand through his hair. "You're like one of my own daughters, Felicity. So keep that in mind next time."

Felicity's eyes welled with tears as he pulled her into another hug.

She pulled away from him with a smile and walked over to Oliver, Roy and Thea. Thea's sobs had become silent tears. The three of them looked up as she stepped into view. Oliver's face cracked into the most beautiful smile and Felicity found herself grinning back. Her grin vanished as she caught sight of the furious scowl that Thea was pointing her way. Thea scrambled to her feet and rushed forwards, surprising them all as Roy and Oliver jumped to their feet as well. Felicity took a hasty step back as Thea advanced on her.

"You!" She yelled, poking Felicity in the chest. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Thea!" Oliver admonished.

"How could you just _offer _to die?" Thea raged. "How could you just offer to die as Ollie cried behind you? You didn't even know who you were dying for!"

Felicity chanced a smile as Thea's voice cracked under the weight of her emotion. "I knew exactly who I was dying for, Thea. It didn't matter who was kneeling next to me, there were really only so many options."

Thea's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You're so stupid! You barely even know me." She muttered. "So, so stupid!" She threw herself forwards and Felicity caught her with a startled laugh. "So, so, so damn stupid!" Thea mumbled tearfully against her throat. "Stupid hero brother with his stupid hero soul mate. Damn it."

Felicity met Oliver's gaze over his sister's head and her breath caught. She'd never seen so much love, so much _joy _as she could see in his grey eyes. She was pretty sure that her eyes mirrored his.

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Felicity's life changed after that night.

She was still the Vigilante's partner and she was still Oliver Queen's EA. She still hacked federal databases and watched Doctor Who while eating copious amounts of mint chip.

But now when Oliver left for a mission he kissed her goodbye. And when he and Dig came back there was no discomfort when she threw herself into his arms. The sexual tension that had surrounded them for two years now remained, but they no longer avoided it. They relished in it.

She spent days marathoning Doctor Who with Thea Queen, who had attached herself to Felicity immediately after 'Sladegate'.

"_Shut up, Smoak. When you decide to die for someone and manage to get out of it, you're stuck with that person forever. You may be Oliver's soul mate but you're my sister." Thea snapped with a glare. "Deal with it."_

Whispers had followed her around QC for weeks after Oliver kissed her soundly in front of everyone who worked on the executive floor. She'd been furious with him until he'd made it up to her. Repeatedly. It turned out that she wasn't totally opposed to office sex. Or desk sex. Or elevator sex.

Moving on.

Moira Queen hadn't been thrilled to see that her own personal pain in the ass was now dating her son. Felicity wasn't sure if she owed Oliver or Thea for the _almost _believable kindness with which Moira now treated her. It didn't particularly matter. Felicity Smoak had no intention of going anywhere and she knew that there were _two _other Queens who had no intention of letting her go.

She and Oliver still fought. Their first major fight came after she decided that she wanted to bury Slade Wilson back on Lian Yu next to Shado.

He wasn't willing to risk her safety so quickly after having almost lost her. She argued he was being stupid. He reminded her about the landmine.

She won.

The fact that she managed to end up on _another _landmine sucked. But it wouldn't be her life if she hadn't managed to find the only _other _explosive on the island and stepped right onto it.

And it wouldn't have been their love story if he hadn't Tarzan'd her to safety.

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**I hope you enjoyed it. Any thoughts? Thanks for reading!**


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